Back as an irritant again~!

Guess I had been irritating a lot of people nowadays.
Ask me why? Of course i know.. Reason : I'm sick of living already.
Yes I know i should not or cannot say this but I am really sick of living.
Imagine having to live longer without any personal goals in mind..
Imagine having to live longer when suffering in a school that you hate?
Imagine having to live longer when your family no longer feels like family?
Imagine having to live longer knowing that your friends are leaving.
Imagine having to live longer when you are so tired of living.
Imagine having to live longer when you are failing at everything..
Imagine having to live longer when nothing goes right?
Imagine having to live longer when what you want does not come true not even a single shit.
Imagine having to live longer when you got rejected even though it's for fun.
Imagine having to live longer when you can not even have a good attitude.
Imagine having to live longer when everyday you get are naggings and naggings.
Imagine having to live longer to be thinking of what excuses to find when you does not want to go or stay over?
Imagine having to live longer when nobody really seriously cares about you living in this planet.
Imagine having to live longer when you do not know what your future lies.
Imagine having to live longer when your idols do not even know your existent.
Imagine having to live longer when you can not even get close or hug your idol
Imagine having to live longer in a house that is not to your likings.
Imagine having to live longer when your are afraid of this and that.
Imagine having to live longer with no much more family love.
Imagine having to live longer is to be asked to eat like super duper lots even though your are damn fat?
Imagine having to live longer when there are other people living way poorer than you?
Imagine having to live longer when you have to face problems every single day
Imagine having to live longer when all of the family problems seems to drop onto you?
Imagine having to live longer thinking you will have another bad day?
Imagine having to live longer having those suicidal thoughts.
Imagine having to live longer when all you think is for someone to hug you and say I love you.
Imagine having to live longer when all you want is a little small bit of attention from your family.
Imagine having to live longer when you are crying every single day inside you but smiling outside?
Imagine having to live longer to solve others problem when you can't solve yours?
Imagine having to live longer when the person you love does not love you back?
Imagine having to live longer when you are a irritant to others?
Imagine having to live longer when everyday there is not enough money to spent?
Imagine having to live longer when you have to see your own dad loving your half brother so much more than you?
Imagine having to live longer with having super heavy stench when you are sleeping..
Imagine having to live longer with scoldings the moment you wake up in the morning.
Imagine having to live longer seeing many annoying things
Imagine having to live longer trying hard not to spent too much on useless things
Imagine having to live longer unable to find the right clothes to wear.
Imagine having to live longer trying to fit in to everything.
Imagine having to live longer seeing other people happiness but not yourself?
Yes all these are my problems.. You might see me as a selfish person or unreasonable bitch.
But I swear if you were me.. you ain't gonna take these so easily.
It's everything i wanted to say but do not know who when how to say. 
I'm not good at expressing myself physically and verbally. 
Type it out is all I can.
You think living my live is easy? No. Looks easy..18 years..
I guess the main thing that changed me totally is me after getting in to Poly... 
The suckiest journey in my education life.
Firstly, it's not me who wanted to go in
Secondly, I'm not interested in the course
Thirdly, I am disliking the people there.
Fourthly, I'm getting more and more dumb after getting in this school.
Lastly, I Hate it.
I just do not know why, my whole life is just not my own decision.
To be exact, my life till now is a joke. 
I do not know what will happen next, it might be the last year I'm living or it might be the last month/day I'm living.
I'm simply tired... exhausted from everything..
I'm timid and annoying.. yes I really am.
I start annoying my family, my mum, my sis, my grandma.
Anything... whatever I do they do not like it, so be it.
I get angry easily too.
Everything in my changed after i get into poly.


My attitudes especially... I'm trying to change back but I get treatments that suck so much which I am intolerable.













This is pain... it's tired...어렵다고 힘들어.
자네도 언젠간 자야할 때가있을걸세
Sometimes, you need to sleep eventually,
행복해없었어, 알아지!

Hi people, I'm back to my blog but i've got nothing to blog.
Reason is because if the moment i start blogging, it will be tons of complains and emotional stuffs so i decided to just not blog.
Since now I'm back here, shall share some SHINee picture!!!






Just by looking at this picture, the five cute boys can totally melt your heart!!!
Did you just go awwwww... So cute!!!

Come party with us!!!!!!!!!! oh man!!!!
Hehes i've been missing them for the past 8 months!!
Last time i saw them was 2011 September 10 SHINee world concert singapore!
Omg it's awesome~~~ hope this time will be awesome too!
SHINee please give me many many fan service!!! I'll Love die you x3!
I think i shall end yea~ hahas Last picture!!! qwieop qwieop one!

From the heading... yeah today's post gonna be very... i don't know, emotional?
After getting into RP, i really don't feel any happiness at all.. i feel so sick..literally.
The type of education... i don't like their way.yeah i cant stop complaining.
I don't like my class either, although there were a few friends i love, able to talk to but... everything was different.
The grades were stressing me out... i know i don't do well because i simply hate it.
PRESENTATION... and Daily RJ,Quizess and evaluations......
CCAs, i really wanna join Hip-hop dance or dance but what the shit is this??? there is audition and my dance skill is like suck so much even below zero... Went for audition but didnt get in...
ahhh seriously.... why my life....


Next thing is i started to hate coming home.. as in i don't really want to come home early...
I know i should not have felt this way but i get really annoyed by my family sometimes.
It's like...i already get stressed and fucked up by my school but the moment i reached home...
The problem starts... when I'm having my dinner, I was nagged at to eat more when i wanted to go on a diet
nobody can understand... i mean ok i will eat , its just that im eating lesser than usual whats wrong with it?
Getting tired.. one day two days its fine...but its been a few months and its EXACTLY EVERYDAY. i swear... its EVERYDAY.
I get irritated when i need to use the toilet but it's like taken and it's ALWAYS everytime!!!!
I cant get any own time when im home, everything i do, i feel like im being looked at. the creeps....
I get tired... People say Home gives you warmth but for me... no.
I don't get warmth... I don't get the way of warmth i wanted.
When im trying to like talk and saying what i want to say, nobody bothers to listen yea and i meant it.
So as time goes by, I stopped saying anything and just be quiet.Torturous.
Everyone have their own partners...im not jealous, nor do i want one desperately, of coz everyone hopes to find their ideal partner lah... So ya.. they spent their time with them like more? yea more...
Kind of feeling neglected. idk I'm turning 18 but I start to think more immature than when im 17 and this sucks.


In school, I always put up my smile, a fake one...
I had never been my trueself ever since 2012 1st of April.
I get sick, i Get tired.
But Sometimes,Thankfully i really thank my friend for being there for me especially Joan Jieying and Gekmin and dongsaeng.
I complained to them like very often... but even that, sometimes nobody can understand what I actually feels.
And this goes to everyone too. It's an indescribable feeling.
I don't know what happened to me, i just cant be as happy as last year and before.
I hate it when i got "scolded & cursed" at for nothing, it's not my fault right???
Sometimes your tweet tires me. I hate those and im avoiding. i dk why the hell must i avoid...well...
As im typing this, im crying and i had to "hide" from my family whenever i tears.
It's just useless even though they see me crying lah...
My sis, i love them but still..
As i mentioned above, I'm turning 18 soon... But i hate to make it big.
I LOVE surprises, but small surprises, a simple thing i will love you so much.
But none... i don't know lah..
My mum was like asking me where exactly i want to go for dinner and she even get angry for i dont know what reason.
My younger sis, forgets my bdae...yea i didnt show but it hearbreaks me a lot.. i dont know she's kidding or its real.
My older sis, i hope she remembers...
My granny guess she will also forget or must be reminded hahhahaha getting used to it..
Because old le memory not that good but i still love her for all she gave me.
Damn im tearing so badly now...
Screwed up my life...2012 screw it up.
Today, as i was crossing the road, I almost got myself hit by a car, purposely crossing when the car was approaching.. I really don't know what im thinking, my mind just asked me to cross.
Of coz i didnt get banged down but after not being knocked down, I am even thinking of WHY am i not knocked down... the Death thought kept coming into my mind... I'm just going crazy.
I hope i dont get depression... I can control my mind to only a certain extend...but beyond it.... i dont know.

I start to think of you like again... i get over you already and also fallen in love(i dont know if it is or not because i forgotten that feeling) with somebody else but keeping quiet because im scared.
But occassionally you kept appearing, in my dreams, in my mind.
A random thing, i can think of you. I totally got over you but you are just still in my mind.I'm kind of shutting myself down to the outside world...the social world...i easily get irritated by people's actions.


The only thing that can keep the sad things out of my mind is only SHINee and watch shows and dramas.
They are all another fantasy world for me.
I know SHINee don't even knows me but at least i can forget what i am...You dont have to remind me that they don't know my existence...just let me be a fangirl when i need to. And I really Love them so much!
I cant give them up easily, SHINee is part of my life.


If you are reading this post, you might be thinking that im being fake to you... but please forget this post when you see me unless you want me to show you a super nasty face.
Blogging is only way for me to vomit out my heartfelt words...

[1] No Ripping.
[2] No Spamming.
[3] No Vulgarities.
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♫Vivian lye


♫~ LyeSHINee!™~
샤이니사랑해!!!!

비비안

SHERLOCK!!
Hello~ Hello~!!!
Her Whisper Is The Lucifer
Ring Ding Dong
Julitte Ho~!
Sanso Gateun
A.Mi.GO
Replay~ replay~ replay~!
Boyfriend
Don't touch my girl
I'll Be There
The precious
SHINee Onew JongHyun Key MinHo TaeMin!!!
Boyfriend Donghyun Hyunseong Jungmin Youngmin Kwangmin Minwoo!!!
1st breath:10 may 1994

Luvs
All my luv 1's
my Family
laughter n smiles!...
Hate
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