Back as an irritant again~!

Guess I had been irritating a lot of people nowadays.
Ask me why? Of course i know.. Reason : I'm sick of living already.
Yes I know i should not or cannot say this but I am really sick of living.
Imagine having to live longer without any personal goals in mind..
Imagine having to live longer when suffering in a school that you hate?
Imagine having to live longer when your family no longer feels like family?
Imagine having to live longer knowing that your friends are leaving.
Imagine having to live longer when you are so tired of living.
Imagine having to live longer when you are failing at everything..
Imagine having to live longer when nothing goes right?
Imagine having to live longer when what you want does not come true not even a single shit.
Imagine having to live longer when you got rejected even though it's for fun.
Imagine having to live longer when you can not even have a good attitude.
Imagine having to live longer when everyday you get are naggings and naggings.
Imagine having to live longer to be thinking of what excuses to find when you does not want to go or stay over?
Imagine having to live longer when nobody really seriously cares about you living in this planet.
Imagine having to live longer when you do not know what your future lies.
Imagine having to live longer when your idols do not even know your existent.
Imagine having to live longer when you can not even get close or hug your idol
Imagine having to live longer in a house that is not to your likings.
Imagine having to live longer when your are afraid of this and that.
Imagine having to live longer with no much more family love.
Imagine having to live longer is to be asked to eat like super duper lots even though your are damn fat?
Imagine having to live longer when there are other people living way poorer than you?
Imagine having to live longer when you have to face problems every single day
Imagine having to live longer when all of the family problems seems to drop onto you?
Imagine having to live longer thinking you will have another bad day?
Imagine having to live longer having those suicidal thoughts.
Imagine having to live longer when all you think is for someone to hug you and say I love you.
Imagine having to live longer when all you want is a little small bit of attention from your family.
Imagine having to live longer when you are crying every single day inside you but smiling outside?
Imagine having to live longer to solve others problem when you can't solve yours?
Imagine having to live longer when the person you love does not love you back?
Imagine having to live longer when you are a irritant to others?
Imagine having to live longer when everyday there is not enough money to spent?
Imagine having to live longer when you have to see your own dad loving your half brother so much more than you?
Imagine having to live longer with having super heavy stench when you are sleeping..
Imagine having to live longer with scoldings the moment you wake up in the morning.
Imagine having to live longer seeing many annoying things
Imagine having to live longer trying hard not to spent too much on useless things
Imagine having to live longer unable to find the right clothes to wear.
Imagine having to live longer trying to fit in to everything.
Imagine having to live longer seeing other people happiness but not yourself?
Yes all these are my problems.. You might see me as a selfish person or unreasonable bitch.
But I swear if you were me.. you ain't gonna take these so easily.
It's everything i wanted to say but do not know who when how to say. 
I'm not good at expressing myself physically and verbally. 
Type it out is all I can.
You think living my live is easy? No. Looks easy..18 years..
I guess the main thing that changed me totally is me after getting in to Poly... 
The suckiest journey in my education life.
Firstly, it's not me who wanted to go in
Secondly, I'm not interested in the course
Thirdly, I am disliking the people there.
Fourthly, I'm getting more and more dumb after getting in this school.
Lastly, I Hate it.
I just do not know why, my whole life is just not my own decision.
To be exact, my life till now is a joke. 
I do not know what will happen next, it might be the last year I'm living or it might be the last month/day I'm living.
I'm simply tired... exhausted from everything..
I'm timid and annoying.. yes I really am.
I start annoying my family, my mum, my sis, my grandma.
Anything... whatever I do they do not like it, so be it.
I get angry easily too.
Everything in my changed after i get into poly.


My attitudes especially... I'm trying to change back but I get treatments that suck so much which I am intolerable.













This is pain... it's tired...어렵다고 힘들어.
자네도 언젠간 자야할 때가있을걸세
Sometimes, you need to sleep eventually,
행복해없었어, 알아지!

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♫Vivian lye


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